You will begin to think outside the box the moment you realize there is no box. ~ Audrey Ashira
If I honestly believe that I am created by God, saved by Jesus, and sanctified by the Holy Spirit, then trying to be someone is ridiculous. Trying to be a good person or a cool person or whatever. If I try to be someone I have lost my identity. I am someone. And if I believe all that truth about the Trinity then I find myself in Him.
Don’t try to be anybody. Be yourself. And how do I “be myself”? I get to know God. Because the more I know God, the more I know myself and therefore can be it. So, I’ve started a journey. To get to know myself by getting to know God and by letting Him reveal who I am to me. It’s simple, but it’s crazy fantastic.
Some of the ways are deep and mental – like searching the scriptures to understand the Holy Spirit better so I understand the One Who indwells me and works through me, Who is the everything good in me, Who is the everything to fill up the nothingness of me, Who overwhelms me with Himself. Some things are simple and physical – like straightening my hair. It sounds almost silly, but as I was praying I realized that all this time I’ve rejected my straight hair, saying to myself that my straight hair “just isn’t me.” But that’s stupid. It is me. It’s how I was made. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I’m never going to curl my hair for the rest of my life. But I’m going to make a change – I’m going to start finding out who I am and relaxing enough to let myself be it. Instead of trying to give my hair body and make it wavy or curly, I’m brushing it out and running a straightener through it real quick. It only takes two minutes cause my hair is straight anyway, but it just adds a finishing touch. I was surprised when I did that to my hair recently and had people who know me pretty well tell me I should do it like that on a regular basis. I have a feeling that they had that reaction because they knew something I didn’t – that all this time, straight hair was “me” – the me I was running away from in an attempt to be someone “better.”
billow in the wind
like sails of ships
What beautiful pearls, Sapphira.
What excellent good taste – in tablecloths and blushes – dear Sapphira.
And how sweet you are are, Sapphira
What a good hostess!
And always known to be
The most elegant and righteous
Of all of those among us.
And how well-dressed, you were Sapphira
And how tremendously generous (we thought)…
When you said the lie was true
And hypocrisy was the death of you,
sleepless renders me
The wild words
Insomnia keeps blotting out
Thoughts and fears
From making shouts.
Lack of sleep
Creates a drug
That loosens like decay
My soul’s expressions
Like balloons which, yawning, float away.